Patience

When I think of what patience means to me now, it means waiting on God to act upon something that I have asked faithfully from Him.  When I think of what patience meant to me a few years back, it meant me not having any patience at all to wait on God to act and taking matters into my own hands.  From my experience, patience leads to Faith, patience leads to peace, and patience leads to God acting.  James 1:3-5 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  

There were many things I asked God for numerous times, begging, and using the continuous prayer method to think it would happen right away.  As I aged, I realized that I had a microwave mentally where I wanted things to happen right away, also meaning I was naturally impatient.  I would get so frustrated when things wouldn’t happen or come as I had “just” prayed to God for.  This frustration that I caused” ultimately led to me not having faith in God and going another route which ultimately made the situation worse.  But, God knew his daughter and what would make me realize that my destiny and doors opening for me were not in my complete control, but instead God’s. 

Through the separation of my marriage and raising four children on my own, I had no choice but to submit to God.  At first, I wanted to divorce my husband and find the next husband and live how I wanted to live.  But, God whispered to me, Belinda this will not happen tomorrow.  And that stood out to me, that no matter what decision “I” was trying to do, it wouldn’t all change and go away the next day.  So, I had no choice but to make the humbling decision to say God I need you to do something because this is going to affect me and our children in a horrible way.  That was the day submission started.   

Although submission started, the patience part was SO HARD for someone like me.  To rewind briefly, I had a six year time period where things kept working out for me without much effort, job promotions, purchased a car, purchased a home, finishing college, and just doing what I wanted to do, or so I thought.  So, experiencing the fact that there was nothing “I” could do to make my husband come back right away and fix our family was catastrophic for me.  All of my childhood I wanted my parent’s marriage to work, I needed my family to be together, knowing now that was because family is so important to me, family gives me life and strength.  So, because I ultimately realized that I couldn’t fix my family, my young adult life I was determined to fix my environment.  The funny and loving thing about God, He allowed me to “believe” that throughout those 6 years I accomplished all of those things “on my own”.  I was so silly, who did I think I was. 

Fast forward to today, I still struggle with initially relinquishing control to God because I realize I naturally have the desire to fix things.  But, when I try to fix things on my own, the stress that comes and turmoil is not fun.  But, when I let go and say God I can’t and don’t want to handle this, please show me what you want me to do and I trust You to take over.  The joy and peace that comes over me is indescribable Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  I used to be in a dark place when things would not go the way I wanted them too.  I wasn’t enjoying the moment, I wasn’t enjoying, seeing, or hearing my children and husband.  I wasn’t genuinely happy and did not have joy. 

But God!  The journey of letting go our Will and trusting God’s Will is not easy and you will fight demons that have had a strong hold over you for years that you weren’t aware of.  But, once the stronghold is broken and you are free, the peace that comes is indescribable.  Each of us has a path to how God gets us to submit to Him, trust Him, and have faith in Him.  For some it comes quickly, for others it takes a long time.  We actually block our blessings when we don’t listen to God or decide to continue on this path of our own instead of God’s path for us.  Now, when I look back, I remember times that God would warn me, or tell me what not to do, but I did not want to listen to that soft inaudible voice.  Shame on me, I let stubbornness and rebelliousness stop my blessings, but God’s grace and mercy is sufficient for all, even for me.  2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

What Godly patience looks like, is when someone you love, whether a spouse, parent, child, or friend, hurst you whether through words, actions, rejection, or abandonment, you are able to forgive them and pray for them, instead of fighting them and controlling them to treat you right.  Praying for them means you Trust God to soften their heart to do better.  Trusting God to soften their heart means you know who He is and how powerful He is.  Being patient with God means you trust His timing and way.  For someone like me, naturally impatient and rebellious, this was hard, but I wouldn’t change this process or walk away from it.  I understand now why each of us has bad and good attributes, from my perspective the bad attributes is what allows God to reach us and use us.  What would perfection in us do for God?  How would His glory be shown through us if we were perfect?  God is the only perfect being. 

Patience is a virtue 2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.  Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.