I think we all have experienced buying a bunch of balloons whether it be for someone’s birthday, anniversary, surprise, or just because; we know what it feels and looks like to hold all of the balloon strings so that they do not all fly away, correct? Well, that is the image the Holy Spirit gave me in what I was holding on to and what I have released, let me explain.
There was a time in my life that I tried to control people that were close to me and their actions for numerous reasons, the main one being because I did not want to get hurt by them. I also tried to control my path and other people’s decisions because “I” thought it was best and would get so frustrated when they did not listen. Each aspect of my life and others lives that I tried to control represents one balloon string.
During this time that I tried to control these things I was carrying a burden that did not belong to me, it was something Jesus was meant to carry. I literally, without realizing it, was trying to walk in the shoes of God, and that was and is an extreme no no. As I added a new balloon string to my life there was an additional weight put on my soul that was holding me back from being and walking in my full God ordained purpose and, in the freedom, He meant for me to have.
Fast forward from all of the rejection, disappointment, and abandonment and I have truly let go of every balloon string that I was holding on too. Let me explain, IT WAS NOT EASY! It was not easy because it was a stronghold the enemy had over me, it was how he held me in bondage and it was ALL I knew of how to function in life. I have no desire to control anything or anyone anymore. Do I still get nervous about letting things go that I want to say or do something about, yes I do. But then I remember what it felt like to control things and that I do not want to go back to that place. I then remember too that God is in control and He knows what is best for me and that I should go talk to Him about the situation.
Realizing all of the above makes me even more sure that God point blank wants a daily relationship with us. He wants us to seek Him, to desire for Him to walk side by side with us, to be a part of our every thought, problem, good and bad moment, every decision, every tear, everything. David states it so eloquently in Psalms 139: 17-18 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! 18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.
When I held on to the large bunch of balloons I was not going to God truly about any of it, instead I was attempting to fix each problem on my own. Yes, I would say a quick prayer, watch a sermon, or find a scripture relevant to my issue, but then I would still try to figure it out on my own. Whereas now, even in my learning and imperfection, I go to God now even when it’s emotionally or mentally hard too. Sometimes going to God looks like getting rest, literally taking a nap or getting a good night’s rest. We were made by God for God, so life does not become bearable until we walk in complete Obedience to God. Resting in His presence sometimes is what He wants us to do and what we need to do for Him.
Choosing God does not mean life will get easy and that you will not have a new balloon added to your life, instead what it means is that you can give that extra balloon to God to handle and have faith that God will put the balloon where it is supposed to be.
Honestly, I’ve come to the point in my relationship with God where I tell Him what I am struggling with and I’m raw and honest with Him, and when I tell you He comes through on His timing and way, my God does. My relationship with God is not dependent upon how much money I make, what type of house I live in or where I live, but instead for me it’s about having someone that I know will always have my back, will never lead me astray and will never hurt me intentionally, and protects me, and that I can go to about everything. For me, that is in itself enough for me to daily sacrifice myself for His will and be obedient to Him.
Even when things do not make sense, I trust Him. Even when plans fall through, I trust Him. Even when I’m so tired and my home is out of order, I trust Him. Even when I desire love from my husband, I trust Him. Even when I’m so stressed from life in general, I trust Him.
There was a time I prayed for the position I am in right now and it is nothing but the enemy that would make me consider throwing away the opportunity I have. Nothing in life comes without hard work and God will not do the things He has ordained you to physically do. He has the power to show you the actions you need to take or He will change your environment to where you have no choice but to take that action.
We must not be so focused on the things that we see on a daily basis and THINK that they or them control what God has promised and planned for us. We must speak over our lives in the authority that God has given us during the good and bad moments. Luke 10:19 Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. For me it feels like a switch has been slowly turned on inside of me that shows me how to truly battle any situation in the Spirit, having crazy extreme faith in the one and true living God.
Today I experienced what some may say was a demonic intervention in the plans of my husband coming to visit me. But, instead of me lashing out like I used too, I instead spoke life and love into Him and then I prayed and worshiped God. Peter talks about how loving each other shows our pure heart to God, 1 Peter 1:22 Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart. Operating with a pure heart lets us see and hear God more in EVERYTHING we do, experience, and speak. Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. Even if the intervention was not demonic, I know God has a reason and plan for how this will turn out. Everything happens for a reason.
I have forgiven the other woman and my husband in the past numerous times, but today I truly feel I forgave both of them again in the spirit, because what occurred today God showed me how spiritually they are being used but yet spiritually things are playing out according to how God wants them too. This stand for our marriage restoration was not just about my husband coming back home and us living “happily ever after”, but instead it was more about what God needed (and still needs to do) in myself and my husband individually and as one. This process has broken generational curses and strongholds and has given us a sense of freedom we always heard about but hadn’t experienced yet.
Growing in God is a daily process but it’s beautiful and worth it. As with life in general you are going to have storms, but they do not last, you’re going to have deaths, but you’ll also have new life, you’re going to have losses, but you’ll also have gains. You cannot experience the life God meant for you to have if you do not put all of your trust in Him and let him lead you in a relationship every day, fully releasing all control to God.