I do not really have any direction or scriptures planned out for this post, but I felt compelled to write what I felt God was revealing to me. At times in life there can be so much going on in our head, homes, environment, the world, just everything, that we do not always have the strength to do the basic things in life.
I strongly believe that God desires for us to rest, to spend time with Him and the things that really matter in life. Right now, my house is in a mess for my standards and honestly it can make me feel depressed. But, even when I have the quick energy to get up and clean or basically fuss with my four babies to clean, the Holy Spirit tells me to rest and not feel compelled to make everything perfect.
In doing that I feel closer to my present environment, I feel every emotion of my four babies, I hear and see them differently. I at times get so consumed at how things should be, look, and operate which I know stems from my anxiety. But, the best moments in my life honestly are when I feel free from the things that I feel compelled to do. Yes, I want a clean house, yes, I want to build financial wealth, yes, I want to give my kids the best life. But, my second child today said in her most loving, vulnerable words, “Mommy I just want you; I don’t care about the material things, I just want to spend time with you…you are always either working or busy”.
I just hugged her and held her because as much as I think that we spend time together because I run my business from home and homeschool them, we really do not spend quality time each day. As I get older, I’m learning to be more present in my daily occurrences, interactions, conversations, and feelings. I started struggling in my early to mid-twenties with being in my head and my thoughts and not being in the present moment.
Honestly, when I truly started to let love take over me, when I started to trust God with everything and everyone in my life, that is when I started to feel free to love and to get out of my head. When I hug my children now there is a spark of love I feel with them, like when we hug our souls feel like they are meshing together. I’m not sure if I am explaining this where you will understand, but this is the best way for me to explain it. When they sit next to me it’s as though I feel every emotion that they have; maybe there is something within me that has been healed and I can truly feel the love from those close to me.
Even when I hug, kiss, and am intimate with my husband now it’s as though I feel his soul, his emotions, everything. There is a closeness I have with him now that reminds me of when I first fell in love with him when I was 17 years old, but its mature, it’s more spiritual.
Bottom line, this time of rest, time of mental break is making me realize even more what is most important to me. There are other things changing in my life that I think I needed to allow in order to get to this point. God has me definitely in a season of change, a season of setting boundaries, and a season of truly trusting God with directing every path in my life. Now, with that said I still get frustrated, I still get angry, and at times begging God to remove this season, but I know it’s necessary in order to step into our next season.
Someone once told me that when you are doing God’s work you will face resistance from others and in general, and that the resistance is a true sign that you are doing what God wants you too. I feel like I’m walking on hot coals and everyone around me is saying and doing things to make me fall down, but I keep looking ahead towards Jesus as the Holy Spirit holds me up, because I cannot do this on my own. Change is not always easy and the path of God is very narrow. Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
My oldest daughter just brought to me one of my old bookmarks and she asked me what it said. I thought it was scripture, but instead it states “Life Happens…Love Helps”. Falling in love with God means you are learning to trust Him, learning to rely on Him for all of your needs, wants, and desires. It is choosing to walk the path less traveled, it will not be easy, but God will direct your path you need only to stand still and trust Him.