Walking in the Process

Walking in the Process 

When I first asked God what to write about tonight, I first heard walking in it but then he directed me to write about walking in the process.  I also felt the urge to write about walking through the process, maybe God just wanted me to emphasize the stage of walking. 

When I first started this journey of learning about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit (the Holy Trinity), looking back I was just like a baby that was learning to sit up and crawl.  I truly had no idea what to expect, where to start, or how it would look.  All I knew or better yet remembered from my childhood was that reading the Bible was the first step.  That took me down the path of getting excited about God and who He was, but I didn’t have faith in who He was.  I was ready for a change, something that was going to stop me from running into the same brick wall. 

 
I still stumbled while I crawled, I would get a few crawls in but then fall.  My faith in God was not strong enough, but I knew the Holy Spirit was with me.  But, then God got my attention loud and clear, he knocked me down to where I had no choice but to need Him.   

 
Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 

 
When God intentionally used my marriage and family circumstances to get my attention, that was my weakness, I had to trust God to fix what was severely broken.  I had to look at what both myself and my husband’s actions did to our children, our home, and our hearts.  I had to see my children cry asking where daddy was and why I kicked him out.  I saw the little hurt girl in me, in my oldest daughter.   

 
My children started to act out, and I felt like I had no control.  Boy did God know what He was doing to get my attention.  Through this process I was literally shedding everything I thought I knew about God, strength, myself, who I trusted, and what I believed.  I was scared, fearful, lonely, and angry.  All of these feelings were overtaking me, as they overtook me, I went deeper into God.  Psalm 86:2b-3 You are my God; Save Your servant who trusts in You!  3 Be merciful to me, O Lord, For I cry to You all day long.   

 
I cried, I screamed, I yelled, I physically hit everything in my home that wouldn’t harm me.  I wanted to act out on my feelings but God didn’t allow me to.  God knew what to use to hold me back from acting erratically, and I call her Lynda, my darling daughter.  Women are different than men when it comes to the ease of submitting ourselves to God.  God made man differently, they were made to lead, so submitting to an authority is not easier.  Whereas women were made to be submissive, they were made to be the helpmate.  Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 

 
Everyone’s wilderness experience looks different, we have no authority judging anyone’s wilderness experience.  I literally had to go through what is a special time without my husband, I was pregnant and had three children to take care of while being pregnant and running a business.  I never needed God so much, thinking about it now I know it was only God that helped me. 

 
But, I grew stronger in God, I learned about Him, I grew a relationship with God.  I took baby steps in understanding how this relationship with Him truly worked.  Yes, my initial intentions of creating this relationship with Him was because I wanted my marriage to be saved and my husband back home.  But, it turned into God changing me, and healing me of wounds that I didn’t know still had control over me and were holding me back.   

 
These wounds caused me to gain physical weight, they caused me to feel like a failure, like I didn’t deserve to be loved.  But, through my wilderness experience I learned to let go of my will and trust God with my heart, mind, and soul.  There were times I would pray to God and would not feel anything; I was praying asking Him for something.  But, when I started praying by thanking Him just for who He was, what He did, what He was doing, and who He was becoming to me, that’s when I felt the Holy Spirit truly come into my presence.  That’s when I felt the peace, the love, the comfort, the change within my heart, soul, and mind towards Him.  He protected me, guided me, loved me, walked with me, even when I didn’t deserve Him too, when I was deep in my sin. 

 
That alone is what made me start showing more grace and mercy to everyone, although this wasn’t easy initially.  But, through the healing God did in me, I was able to feel the soft whisper from Him when He wanted me to start understanding why someone was treating me a certain way, to forgive them, to not argue back, to zip my lips, which was far from who everyone knew me to be. 

 
Walking with Jesus Christ is a lifelong journey, and we continually will grow in Him and learn about Him.  I wouldn’t want to go through what I went through ever again, and I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to experience it.  But, I do not regret what I learned and the person I have become from it.  I am now walking in my authority through Jesus Christ.  It is not easy and sometimes I want to give up, but we will never be perfect. 

 
One thing we must not do is put God in a box, He created everyone and everything.  He created the man that has the brain to build a building.  He created the woman that has the brain to engineer roads.  He created the child that has the brain to sing.  Everything and everyone comes from God, there is nothing that He can not do, we are all here for His purpose and not our own.  Luke 1:37 For with God nothing will be impossible.   Walk in your God given purpose.